The Twelve Pains of Christmas
by sakuraigo3838
Summary: Ever since Touya moved in with Hikaru life has been extremely boring: work, eat, sleep, work. No wonder Hikaru decided to throw a huge Christmas party. Chaos ensues! HikaAki and a bit of MitAka


The Twelve Pains of Christmas

**The Twelve Pains of Christmas**

**Summary: Hikaru and Touya are planning a Christmas party but everything seems to go wrong! The perfect country song…HikaAki**

**Warnings: A bit of shounen-ai but no swearing last time I checked. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hikaru no Go, but I do own Ketsuo, Matsuo Utada and a certain 'aunt Maisy' in this fanfic, and I'm not too proud of it. :D I also do not own the song; it belongs to Weird Al Yankovich.**

A/N: Ok, so I was taking ages to upload, mainly because of everything that's been happening. Exams, exams and more exams...sigh. And I know it's a pain in the butt waiting for someone who just won't update, so here's the story, full and complete as it is. And yes, it is long. Enjoy!

* * *

It was a bright December morning in Tokyo. It had already stopped snowing, leaving a fine inch-thick white blanket over the land. The road, however, was unaffected by the change in season, allowing the cars to drive to work honking at each other merrily.

Only one person's mood did not correspond with the bright atmosphere of a typical Christmas morning. Touya Akira's.

Although he had moved in with his rival and married him, Touya was not happy. Life was not all about go, as he and Hikaru had found out: there were bills to be paid, holes in walls to be fixed, food and groceries to be bought, and so on. Worst of all, there hadn't been many go matches lately, what with his side job and all. At least the holidays were tomorrow. Two weeks of Pizza Hut freedom.

"Ohayo, Akira-kun!" Touya whipped around to face a pair of shining green eyes. "What are you going to do on this fine day?"

"Nothing much," Touya mumbled, fastening his shirt buttons. "Another boring day at work, I guess."

"Maybe you should quit. The money from our pro jobs is really enough," Hikaru suggested. "Then we could do something else, like…" he eyed his spouse, licking his lips.

The green haired twenty-one year old sighed; he wasn't going to fall for that again. The last time Hikaru had embarrassed him in front of Waya and Isumi by pretending to sound wrong. _"So there __are __things other than go on Touya's mind…"_ Touya shook his head, his cheeks flaring pale pink.

"I gotta go now," he said quickly and ran out the door. Hikaru poked his head out the door, staring as Touya drove off. His husband…no, wife…hadn't been too happy for the past two months…there had to be something to cheer him up…

That evening Touya returned from work in a worse temper than ever. A fat lady had spilt her juice over him by accident and demanded a refund! More vexing was the fact that the boss had given it to her without a fight! Hikaru was more annoying than ever, piping cheerfully as he made ramen for dinner.

"_Am I doomed to live around mentally retarded people for ever?!"_ Touya fumed as he watched Hikaru. _"Because if I am, I'll give everyone hell!"_

Little was said during dinner. Touya had finished and was about to leave when Hikaru called him.

"Akira-chin, would you like to hold a Christmas party this Sunday?"

Touya immediately tensed; cold dread rushed to his fingers and down to his toes. "Hikaru, you know that I don't like parties," he replied stiffly.

But his partner was persistent. "Come on, Akira-kun, it'll be fun! Everyone is going to have fun because of us! Even Ogata-sensei and Kuwabara-sensei could come!" the two tone-haired man wheedled, linking his arm through Touya's. Then, in a whisper, "You know you want it."

"Fine, whatever," Touya relented. Perhaps that last party had just been his off day. "But it better be good!" He glanced at his rival-cum-love. How was it that he could never say 'no' to Hikaru's requests?

Hikaru laughed, kissing Touya's cheek lightly. "I knew you'd see the light. Since tomorrow's a holiday, we start tomorrow. We've only got five days!"

The next morning was a bright, early start for Hikaru. After a game on the 'yellow board' with Touya the two set off, not knowing that the music channel was still on.

_The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me,_

_Is finding a Christmas tree._

"That Christmas tree is better! Look, it's all green, unlike yours!" Hikaru snorted.

"You're just jealous that mine is nice and round, unlike your thin stick, so choose it already!" Touya retorted quietly but with a cold aura. Both go professionals were aware of the timid shopkeeper cowering in the middle, giving nervous laughs every now and then.

"I hate parties, but at least choose something _appropriate_ for the house!"

"Yeah well what do you call those green shorts and pink sweaters you wore when you were twelve years old? Good fashion sense? Kami-sama, you've got to be kidding me!"

"Why do we need a tree anyways?"

"Because a Christmas party isn't a party without a tree!"

"Gentlemen…" for the first time both Akira and Hikaru turned to face the shopkeeper. "How about this tree? It's very green and round on the bottom."

The two go professionals glared at each other and a mutual agreement was reached. Little did they know that this was the least of their worries…

_The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me,_

_Rigging up the lights_

_And finding a Christmas tree._

"Rigging up the lights?" Touya roared, trying in his tangle of wires to catch Hikaru, who had made a quick escape into the kitchen. "Why me?"

"Well since you keep telling me that I'm stupid, I figured I'd give you the intelligent tasks," Hikaru laughed as he watched Touya wriggle in the mass of lights like a fly caught in a spider's web. "I'll be making udon, your favourite, so if you don't-"

"You sneaking-" Touya shouted. Only Hikaru was capable of making him like this.

Three hours later found Touya in a worse position than before. Although he had managed to free his lower torso the lights still held fast to his upper torso.

"Why the hell are they blinking?" Touya screamed, thoroughly frustrated, then yelled again as the lights went out. "One light goes out, they all go out! And there aren't any extension cords!"

Hikaru stuck his tongue out at his spouse. "Even the-ahem, genius-can't do it? My my…"

"Fine, you're so smart, you rig up the lights!" Touya wrenched the lights off his body with superhuman strength and flung them at his love, where they settled on the floor like a mutilated snake with spikes.

The two-toned man stared, then grinned. "Okay, but you'll have to do what I was about to do."

_The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me,_

_Hangovers,_

_Rigging up the lights_

_And finding a Christmas tree._

"Cleaning the toilet…shouldn't Hikaru have done that this morning?" Touya grumbled as he walked down the long corridor of their house. "I'll bet he just wants me to suffer. So far this Christmas party preparing is nothing but trouble…" The green-haired man flung open the bathroom door and gasped at what he saw.

For there was Ogata Meijin, his white suit ruffled, glasses askew, hair messy, clutching the toilet bowl as a dying man clings to his saviour vomiting as if there was no tomorrow.

Touya's first thought was to go running to Hikaru and start sobbing in his arms. But that was too girly. Discarding his feelings of disgust the green haired man approached the barfing Meijin and patted his back in a somewhat sympathetic manner. "Daijobu ka, Ogata-sensei?"

"Shut up you," the Meijin spat then gasped, clutching his head. Touya winced as he caught a glimpse of fingerprints on the bowl. Ogata had literally been hugging the bowl. Hard. Now he would have to clean off some fingerprints and add extra toilet freshener. But first things first. Helping his senior to his feet, Touya guided the swaying man to the living room. If he threw up again, cleaning up the living room would be Hikaru's job.

"Ogata-sensei, why are you in our house?" Touya asked as soon as the Meijin seemed to have gained some composure.

"I just happened to be walking through the neighbourhood when a sick feeling swept over me. I ran up to your front door and knocked, but no one answered. Finding your door unlocked, I slipped inside and discovered you and Shindou-kun having a lover's quarrel, so I rushed to the bathroom without further ado," Ogata groaned, rubbing his temples. "Stupid hangover."

Touya moaned inwardly. Now only had Hikaru not cleaned the bathroom, he had also forgotten to lock the door! And if he had, he wouldn't be in this predicament right now.

At that moment the afore-mentioned man poked his head round the door, eyes puzzling at the sight of Ogata. He glanced at his spouse and immediately realised Touya's intention. He had to get out of here. Quick.

"Etto…Akira, take care of our guest. I'm heading out to…er…send Christmas cards!" the two-toned man giggled nervously and rushed off with a stack of cards in his hands, blocking out his 'wife's' protests from all hearing. Pulling his jacket on, Hikaru rushed through the door and slammed it shut, making sure to lock the portal of doom behind him. He was sure that one more Ogata in the house was one drunkard too many.

_The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me,_

_Sending Christmas cards,_

_Hangovers,_

_Rigging up the lights,_

_And finding a Christmas tree._

"Whew, that was too close," Hikaru sighed for the umpteenth time, then turned his attention to the last card in his hand. "But when it comes to sending Touya's card pile, I know one thing: I don't know half these people!"

Sure enough the last card Hikaru held was one of Touya's relatives: a ninth aunt or something like that.

The man looked up. Good, he was in the right neighbourhood. All he had to do was find the address number. Twenty five, twenty seven, twenty nine, thirty one…ah! Number thirty three, the lucky number of the Chinese. Walking down the friendly-looking path Hikaru mounted the steps and knocked on the wooden door.

The door opened and an elderly-looking woman stepped out. She had her greying hair in a tight bun and hawk's eyes that made one think she could see through anything. Although she was short in stature she had the kind of aura that would make even Kawai-san flee. And that was saying something.

"K-Konnichiwa…this card is from Touya Akira. He told m-me to s-s-send it to you," Hikaru stammered.

The old lady wrinkled her nose. "And why didn't he deliver it himself?"

"B-Because he was…busy," Hikaru replied, thinking back to the scene in the living room. Suddenly taking care of Ogata didn't seem like such a bad alternative.

"Well, thanks anyways," the aunt said rudely, snatching the card and pocketing it. She then scrutinized the thoroughly spooked man. "But you know something? I don't like you. And do you know why?"

"W-Why, oba-san?"

"Because you're a punk," the aunt jabbed her unfortunate victim in the chest. "Now run along. I don't want to see your bratty face ever again!"

Hikaru was too glad to comply and he sprinted fasted than any Olympics athlete ever had. Just what had driven him into sending the cards?

_Give me Ogata any day, _Hikaru thought, then released all his tension and fear in a scream that could've set the dead turning in their graves.

_The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me,_

_Five months of bills,_

_Sending Christmas cards,_

_Hangovers,_

_Rigging up the lights,_

_And finding a Christmas tree._

"Don't you wish you'd taken care of Ogata my darling?" it was evening and Hikaru had still not heard the end of Touya's teasing about 'Aunt Maisy'.eH

"Shut up," Hikaru mumbled into his dinner. After Ogata had sobered up with aspirin and water he had left, grateful for Akira's 'ever so kind and caring hospitality'. Then Hikaru suddenly remembered something.

"Dang und blast! I've forgotten to take the mail in!"

"Since when have you started lapsing into German?" Akira smirked as Hikaru abandoned his meal to fetch the mail. Calling him back to finish dinner first would have been no good; Hikaru had thrown a temper tantrum the last time he'd tried.

The room was silent except for Akira's chewing, which was then interrupted by a loud cry from outside. All thoughts of the Christmas party were replaced by thoughts of Hikaru. _Has that idiot got himself run over by a car?_ Akira thought, terrified. His unreasonable fear was vanquished as the object of his thoughts rushed in again…holding a huge stack of papers and bills.

"Five months of bills!" Hikaru wailed, dumping the whole pile in front of Touya. "You know, repairs for gobans, holes in the walls, go books, ripped up floor boards, electricity, hot water, Christmas trees, presents-" the man paused to look at his partner, and then in unison:

"You pay." There was no such thing as 'joint-paying' in this household.

"You dumped Ogata on me and abandoned me; you should pay," Touya said in an 'I-mean-business' tone.

"Yeah well, I had to visit your Auntie Maisy and get killed for it," Hikaru snorted.

"All the more reason for you to pay! You admit that you abandoned me!"

"I had to do your dirty work!"

"Who said it was dirty?"

"I did!"

The couple spent an hour debating and finally Hikaru relented. After all, the money for food came from Touya.

_The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me,_

_Facing my in-laws,_

_Five months of bills,_

_I hate those Christmas cards,_

_Hangovers,_

_Rigging up these lights!_

_And finding a Christmas tree._

Touya Akira nervously straightened his tie and wrinkled his cuffs as he moved. Today was 'meeting Hikaru's parents day'. Although he had met them before for marriage arrangements, that had been with his love. Who knew how they really felt towards him?

The man rang the door bell. For a while nothing happened. Akira was considering leaving when suddenly the door opened and Touya was dragged in.

"Hello, Akira-kun!" a woman emerged from the kitchen, beaming. "The polite…ah…son-in-law as always! How are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks," Akira replied in a slightly shaky voice. At that moment a man with graying hair and weary eyes entered. His face brightened considerably at the sight of their visitor.

"Akira-kun!"

The son-in-law gave a slightly forced smile.

"Ohayo, oto-san. You look tired."

The old man pondered for a while as he sat next to Touya. "I suppose so, but at least I know that my dear son is safe with my son-in-law!"

Touya winced. Their marriage had always been a touchy subject.

"Yes, it was very amusing," Mrs. Shindou mused. "That evening when Hikaru brought you home and announced the engagement…" setting two cups of green tea in front of Touya and her husband she moved and sat on the other side of the go professional so that he was squished uncomfortably in between and could not escape for the moment. "…we were shocked at first! What was this? First our son starts playing a game we've never heard of before and then he wants to marry another boy!" the old lady smiled.

"But as long as our son was happy, we were happy," Mr. Shindou turned to Touya, grinning, and Akira immediately saw the resemblance between Hikaru and his father. "I'm sorry we had to pretend you were a girl at the ceremony, though."

Akira flinched again, feeling the soft satin of the dress, the tight white shoes, and the whispering crowd: "Look at the beautiful bride…they're a match in heaven!" Not only that, he'd had to go under Akari's name. She was a friend of Hikaru's. In any case, the topic had to change.

"I also came to invite you to a party Hikaru and I were planning," Touya blurted. The couple turned to look at him.

"Really? That's so kind of you!" Mrs. Shindou squealed. "Akira-kun, you truly are a polite and kind boy. Of course we'd come! When is it?"

"Four days from now, at six pm."

"We'll be there, you can count on it!"

"That's great," Touya suddenly remembered something and produced a package from inside his jacket. He handed it to Hikaru's parents. "These are some fish cakes I made. They're not much compared to your cooking oka-san, but I hope you'll enjoy them."

Mrs. Shindou accepted the fish cakes. "Thank you Akira-kun, that's very thoughtful of you! I'm sure we'll love them."

Touya stood up, smiling. "I'm sorry, but I've got to go now. It was nice talking to you!"

As the door closed, however, Akira heard Mrs. Shindou's faint voice.

"Touya's such a polite and nice boy, but it would have been nicer if Hikaru had married Akari…"

There was a shocked moment's silence. Then Touya walked away sulking about his mother-in-law's words. Finally he mumbled grumpily:

"She's a witch; I hate her."

_The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me,_

_The Salvation Army,_

_Facing my in-laws,_

_Five months of bills,_

_Sending Christmas cards,_

_Oh geez,_

_I'm trying to rig up these lights!_

_And finding a Christmas tree._

While Touya was visiting his parents' house Hikaru was walking along to Kuwabara-Honinbo's house. Sometimes the Honinbo reminded Hikaru of his long disappeared teacher and mentor, but now he did not cry for Sai. Sai was in his go now. Whistling a tune to wash out the remaining sadness Hikaru moved his thoughts to Touya. In fact, Touya was the main reason for his being out of the house. Akira had had the idea to perform a charity service where people who asked for something from either one of them would get their present in the mail. In return the person would send 1000yen which would later be sent to charity. At the moment Hikaru was going to invite Kuwabara-Honinbo to the party and to find out what he wanted for Christmas.

Ah, here was the place! Hikaru knocked and the go professional answered, wheezing as he laughed. "Shindou-kun! Come on in."

Hikaru entered the abode, which was quite modern compared to the retired Meijin's house. On the dining table was a radio blasting out Japanese opera music.

"So what have you come here for?" the old man asked, scratching his head. "I didn't think you'd ever visit during the holidays. In any case, I've been busy with a title challenger. Your Morishita-sensei, if I remember correctly."

"No, it's actually about a Christmas party Akira-kun and I are holding three days from now. We were wondering if you could come.

"Of course I will. Parties amuse me. You'll have to wait while I get some paper for the details."

Hikaru scribbled everything down. Handing the paper to Kuwabara-sensei he explained the charity service.

"So what do you want for Christmas, Kuwabara-sensei?"

The Honinbo was about to say something when the radio suddenly blasted with an English pop song.

_Baby all I want for Christmas, it you…_

Kuwabara turned to Hikaru and said with surprisingly good English, "Just that."

Once the very disturbed Shindou Hikaru was at least ten feet away from the house he began walking again. "You're just getting gummy bears for that," Hikaru finally said into the silence, shaking. As long as that sicko was in control Hikaru would never challenge for the Honinbo title; he never wanted to see that old man's ugly mug again.

_The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me,_

_I want a transformer, for Christmas!_

_Charities,_

_And what do you mean, your in-laws?_

_Five months of bills,_

_Ugh, making up these cards,_

_Oh, Edith__ get me a beer huh?_

_What? We have no extension cords?!_

_And finding a Christmas tree._

Although they had already performed a small charity service Touya still insisted on visiting the orphanage to treat the children, so the Christmas party was put on hold and the two go professionals drove off.

The orphanage was a much cheerier place than expected. Children aged three to fourteen ran about playing with each other. Everyone shared whatever they had: toys, secrets, candies, prized possessions, everything. At that moment a young lady with short black hair and glasses hurried over.

"Shindou-san and Touya-san, we've been expecting you!" the young woman smiled, giving a mock salute. "I'm Matsui Utada and I'm grateful that you took time to help us out!"

"Pleased to meet you," Touya replied formally. Then, with a wry smile, "Excuse my friend. He loves children very much." Sure enough Hikaru was giving out candy and making wish lists for every child he met. The conversation evidently over, Touya absent-mindedly joined a group of children playing Battleship, watching his spouse over his shoulder. Maybe Hikaru should have married Akari, then he could have children of his own…

"Akira-kun, what are you thinking about? Has it got something to do with-" Hikaru was cut off by a seven year old boy tugging at his shirt.

"Mister, I want a Transformer-for Christmas!"

Hikaru frowned. Now there was a new word. Was a Transformer one of those Gundam things everyone had been so crazy about ten years ago? He was about to ask when a boy of five years came forward, almost shouting.

"Daddy, I want some candy!"

Everyone heard the sentence. Hikaru blushed scarlet, Touya shook with silent laughter, some older children snickered, and the orphanage lady gaped.

But that wasn't all. Confused by the sudden silence the toddler waddled over to Touya, eyes shining.

"Mommy, I want to go to the bathroom!"

This time the whole room roared. Excusing the little boy, Matsui ushered him to the restrooms. After that everyone resumed their activities, although a snort could be heard now and then. Hikaru approached Touya, a smile still playing on his lips.

"I've got two questions for you, Shindou," Akira word a calm expression as he said this. Hikaru raised an eyebrow; Akira had never used his surname again after they'd tied the knot. After all, Akira was now a Shindou, too.

"Like what?"

"First question: do you think marrying Akari was better than marrying me?" although the question sounded incredibly girly, Touya had to know.

The two-toned man was taken back by this question. Even if he had regretted marrying Touya it would have been too late. Akari had already married Mitani, although the reason why was beyond him. But he knew from Touya's eyes that his spouse demanded a serious, truthful answer.

"No, I don't. Although our parents might disapprove, in the end this is our life. I don't think I made the wrong choice at all," Hikaru replied, happy as his spouse's eyes lit up. He would have added a kiss if not for the children around them. "And even if I love children, there's always adoption."

"Good answer. Second question: what is so feminine about me?" Akira was so irritated that Hikaru had to laugh. He put a friendly arm around him.

"All of you."

Akira scowled.

_The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me,_

_Finding parking spaces,_

_Daddy, I want some candy!_

_Donations!_

_Facing my in-laws,_

_Five months of bills,_

_Writing out those Christmas cards,_

_Hangovers,_

_Now why the hell are they blinking?_

_And finding a Christmas tree._

Two more days to the Christmas party, and there was still food, presents and decorations to be bought. Luckily Touya had already sent the invitations out. So far Akari, Mitani, Waya, Isumi, Ogata, Hikaru's parents, Touya's parents and (to Hikaru's immense displeasure) Kuwabara had agreed to come. In conclusion there was still a lot to be done.

Currently the two-toned man was driving a Lexus to the Shuu-ichi Mall, one of the best known ones in Tokyo. Touya had stayed at home, insisting that he would tidy the house up, clear away some gobans, wash the three day old dishes and so on. So Hikaru had gone alone.

The car park at last. Eager to stretch his legs, Hikaru looked around for a parking space, but the only sight that met him was rows of cars. Not a single parking space to be seen.

"I won't lose to you!" Hikaru grinned, undaunted, and drove into the next row. This process went on for half an hour and Hikaru was about to screech in frustration when he spotted his chance: two heavy-set people, a man and the other a woman, walking to a car. Relieved, the twenty one year old followed close behind, not bothering to hide his presence.

Time seemed to be moving so slowly! Hikaru tapped on the wheel impatiently as the couple waddled ever so slowly. And he had to be back home by five! On top of all that, he was getting hungry. Knowing that the couple would not be reaching their destination any time soon, Hikaru imagined the fat man and his wife as two geese gabbling away. Oh, how good they would taste in a bowl of ramen…

Unfortunately Hikaru's day dreaming made him oblivious to the fact that the couple had already driven off and a green Ferrari had taken its place. Only when the engine had shut did Hikaru realize. And he snapped.

"That's it!" turning his own car off Hikaru stormed over to the green vehicle and rapped sharply on the window.

"Listen, you! I was here first and-" Hikaru was cut off as the window rolled down. All he could do was gape and gulp.

"Aunt Maisy…"

If the go professional had thought Aunt Maisy was scary the first time, that thought had now flown out of his head.

Aunt Maisy raised her sunglasses and Hikaru shrieked.

"No! Keep them there! Your eyes are much…worse…"

"Look who's talking, punk! Speaking of which a brat looking exactly like you turned up two days ago on my doorstep waving a card in my face. And now his twin is poking his filthy face into my perfect Ferrari harassing me about taking a parking space! Well buster, this is a public parking space!"

"Sorry-" Hikaru almost sighed with relief. She didn't recognize him!

"That's not good enough! And even if it was…"

And so it went on.

Touya checked his watch. Hikaru was late. He had even finished cooking dinner! Touya had tried calling but Hikaru had not answered.

The green haired man was contemplating going out to search for Hikaru when the afore-mentioned man staggered into the room, hair messed and clothes ruffled. The only thing about him that was orderly was the huge bag of party food he was carrying.

"Hikaru, what happened? You're late, and besides that-"

"Aunt Maisy."

Those two words were all the explanation Touya needed.

_The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me,_

_Batteries not included,_

_No parking spaces,_

_Buy me something!  
Get a job you bum!  
Facing my in-laws,_

_Five months of bills,_

_Yo-ho sending Christmas cards,_

_Oh geez look at this,_

_One light goes out, they all go out!_

_And finding a Christmas tree._

As Hikaru was still traumatized from his afternoon experience, Touya took it upon himself to search for the last thing needed to complete the tree-a star that could shine. He was sure Hikaru had had one last Christmas. After rummaging in the closet his idiot of a spouse had so conveniently called 'Bits and Odds', Touya finally found what he needed-a bright yellow star, but with a huge hole in the middle. The man was pondering for a while on the mystery of the hole when he suddenly remembered: this was the same star Hikaru had thrown at him during a fight over a kaya goban. What a pity. At least there was still one day left.

"Hikaru, tomorrow we're going to the mall again so make sure you get up at nine!"

All Hikaru could do was nod.

The next day saw the two go professionals bickering in the car.

"Hikaru, you overslept! Now we're going to get there at eleven and there won't be a parking space!"

"But if you hadn't run back to the house half-way to the garage screaming about a bad hair day we wouldn't be late!" Hikaru retorted.

"I just needed a bit more combing!"

"Then next time keep a comb up your sleeve!"

Contrary to popular belief Touya and Hikaru did manage to get a parking space. Without further ado the two hurried into the mall, eager to get the shopping done. As least, Touya was.

"Wow, look at all this stuff!" Hikaru squealed as if he were seeing everything for the first time. "That electronic cat over here, that goban over there…"

Touya immediately wished he had come alone. He watched his rival flitting back and forth before calling him over.

"How about we meet at two at the 'Pokkoro Café' over there?" Hikaru gave a happy nod and went on his way, relieved that he would not have to baby-sit his spouse. Touya watched Hikaru bounce off, then straightened his cuffs and went smartly on his way.

Although almost all the shops had stars every single one had been purchased. Touya cursed Hikaru for being so relaxed as yet another shopkeeper confessed that all tree stars had been bought. How could such a big mall be drained of one particular object? It shouldn't be allowed.

Akira entered a shop and sighed. If this did not have any stars either he was giving up. Desperate, he approached an old man reading at the counter.

"Excuse me, do you still have any Christmas tree stars?" Akira asked, feeling like a parrot.

The old man scratched his chin as if deep in thought. "Yes, we do," he replied with a wide smile. "But just the one. You are very lucky, young man."

So an hour's worth of searching had paid off after all. Sighing with relief of not having to go without a star, the go professional was about to follow the shopkeeper into a dark storage room when the old man stopped him.

"Please wait out here. It would not be nice for customers to have to see the true nature of this store," the shopkeeper gave Akira a toothy yellow grin and walked into the storage room, closing the door firmly behind him. Bored, Akira decided to browse the store. The shelves were mostly stacked with Christmas ornaments and toys of all sorts-puppets, stuffed animals, a goke full of green stones, claimed on the sign to be made from jade. That was unusual. Picking a cold stone up, the go professional scrutinized it. The stone was green-but then Touya spotted a speck of brown. His eyes cleared. These stones weren't jade; they were copper painted jade green! At that moment the old man emerged holding a small brown box in his hands. Dropping the stone the go professional strode over.

"Here, your lucky star with batteries and all," the old man wheezed. "That'll be 700 yen now."

_700 Yen? That's expensive, _Akira thought, giving the required cash over.

"I'm grateful that you took the time and trouble to find this for me."

"Oh, it's nothing. It'll light up right away!" the shopkeeper laughed, reminding the green haired man distinctly of Kuwabara Honinbo, now referred to as 'the wheezing geezer' by Hikaru. Bidding the shopkeeper goodbye, Touya checked his watch and gasped. He was late for his spouse. He broke into a run, hoping that Hikaru was not in a hyper mood.

That was too much to hope for.

"Akira-kun! You're late!" Hikaru pouted. Touya frowned as he stared down at his spouse's bags. "What's in there?"

"Go books, gobans, Playstation games…"

"We've still got a Playstation?"

"Yeah, in the basement! And you call yourself a genius?"

"How dare you hide that from me!"

"You were just plain unobservant!"

"Well in any case we should go home now. We can talk about this Playstation business later."

It was late afternoon when Hikaru and Touya arrived home. Impatient to finish the preparations Touya raced into the house, leaving Hikaru to carry his own bags. Ripping the box open the green-haired man gazed at the delicate yellow star. It was a good thing he'd had patience.

"Mine!" Hikaru snatched the star from Touya's hands and placed it carefully on top. "All our hard work has paid off!"

"Our…?" Touya muttered, gritting his teeth.

"Yes, _our _work," Hikaru grinned cheerfully, and Touya's expression softened. Turning around the go professional placed the star on the tree and twisted it. After a few minutes he frowned.

"Akira, is this supposed to light up?"

"Yes."

"It doesn't seem to be."

"The old man said that it'd 'light up right away'."

"Then he's wrong! Give me the box."

Touya handed the box over and Hikaru stared at it from all angles. When Hikaru turned around Touya was surprised to find a look that hardly ever graced Hikaru's countenance: a look of utter disapproval.

"Touya Akira, do you read?" Hikaru asked, a mischievous smile flitting across his face.

"Of course," Akira replied, a feeling of dread running through his body.

"You've just been gipped. Batteries not included."

Attempting to hide the spreading blush on his face, Touya was about to rush out to the nearest convenience store when Hikaru pulled him back, not bothering to hide his laughter.

"And now the genius wants to run to the convenience store and waste money on something that's not necessary?"

Touya swore that he would get back at Hikaru for that.

_The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me,_

_Stale TV specials, _

_Batteries not included,_

_No parking spaces,_

_Mom, I gotta go to the bathroom!_

_Charities_

_She's a witch, I hate her._

_Five months of bills,_

_Oh I don't even know half these people!  
Oh, who's got the toilet paper, huh?_

_Turn on the flashlight, I blew a fuse!_

_And finding a Christmas tree._

The day of the Christmas party came at last. Hikaru and Touya spent their free time playing go, but their thoughts were on the party and what could go wrong. If that happened, all those hours of hard work would be wasted. Finally Touya broke the ice.

"Hikaru, you're playing your worst! Now here you'll be cut off the centre! The aji here is also bad for you."

"Yeah well, you nearly fell for an easy life and death problem and your upper right group isn't totally secure, so you can't cut me off just yet!"

Touya pressed his face extremely close to Hikaru's. "You want to bet on that?"

"Yeah," Hikaru replied, not cowed in the slightest.

"Let's take it to the blue bet board then."

Hikaru helped his spouse move the blue goban over to their game board, grinning. He himself had come up with the idea of painting their gobans different colours, which represented different things. For example, the green goban for playing pro games, the pink for 'beautiful' games, the red goban for Sai's games and the blue one, of course, for betting. At first Akira had objected, but a bit of sweet-talk and kissing had taken care of the job. Hikaru nodded in satisfaction; Touya was learning from him, and learning well. Tuning back into the present the two-toned man played a stone.

Hikaru did not last five minutes on the betting board. Touya had been right; although the upper group was secure a few sacrifices could get the group out of trouble. Akira spoke triumphantly before Hikaru could speak.

"I was right, as usual. Now you have to serve and tend to Kuwabara-sensei for the whole evening."

"What?!" We never agreed on the terms!" Hikaru protested.

"You nodded your head when I asked about the terms!"

"I was daydreaming!"

"I'm not you!"

"So we're resetting the terms!"

"What's done is done, and I refuse to budge!"

"Then I'll make you!"

"Yadda!"

The two go professionals argued for five minutes before Hikaru sat back, grinning. "Fine, I'll do it," he said.

"You've finally seen the light," Touya replied, but deep down he was unsure. What could Hikaru possible do to the Honinbo?

Ding-dong! The doorbell rang and both Hikaru and Touya jumped. The moment had come at last. Getting up from the goban Touya went to greet the guests while Hikaru cleaned up. The first to arrive were Waya and Isumi.

"Yo, Akira-kun! Do you know how much trouble I went to to escape Morishita-sensei? And all because of you!" Waya pretended to grumble. "The old grouch wouldn't have let me escape the study session if he'd known you were there!"

"No one said you couldn't deny the invitation," Touya replied, nimbly dodging Waya's attempt to ruffle his hair. No one saw him with his hair mussed! Well, maybe excluding Hikaru. Isumi gave his serene smile.

"How are things going with Hikaru, Touya-kun?" Isumi had made it sound as if Touya had voiced his thought.

"Just fine. Come on in or else you'll never see Hikaru. He was too lazy to come and greet you himself."

At that moment Hikaru bounced over, grinning widely. "Hey guys, did you know that I've seen Akira's hair ruffled?"

Waya's eyes widened. "Really, when?" Isumi gave another of his smiles, and Touya scowled. Those were getting to be very annoying. But he had to change the topic before everything got out of hand.

"Let's watch some television," he announced quickly, leading his guests into the living room. Hikaru paused in front of Touya, a devilish look on his face. He whispered huskily into his ear.

"But you look _so_ good with your hair splayed on the pillow…"

"Urusei!" Touya blushed. 'Shut up' was the phrase only Hikaru could make him use.

"Hey, what movie should we watch?" Isumi asked. Apparently he and Waya had found Akira's and Hikaru's 'secret collection'. Mostly not for children with weak stomachs.

"How about this channel?" Hikaru suggested quickly, snatching the remote control and pressing '1'. 'Frosty the Snowman' had just started. Waya stared at the rotund white figure, frowning.

"I watched this when I was seven!"

"And I watched it when I was three, or so I'm told," Isumi piped in eagerly. "There were also some pretty interesting DVDs in that video cupboard of yours." Hikaru shot a desperate glance at Touya, who sighed. His spouse was so retarded sometimes. He was about to do the most humiliating thing in his life, but it was all in order to prevent their unsuspecting guests from taking a closer look at the 'interesting' videos.

"Actually, I like this show. Let's watch it," Touya announced rather loudly. Waya and Isumi glanced at each other before joining their hosts on the sofa.

And so they watched Frosty the Snowman.

_The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me,_

_Singing Christmas carols,_

_Stale TV specials,_

_Batteries not included,_

_No parking!_

_Waaaaaa…_

_Charities,_

_Gotta make 'em dinner,_

_Five months of bills,_

_I'm not sending 'em this year, that's it!_

_Shut up you,_

_Fine! You're so smart, you rig up the lights!_

_And finding a Christmas tree._

Frosty was just prancing around like the twit he was when the doorbell rang. Relieved that some distraction had come at last, everybody rushed to answer the door. The rest of the party had arrived. Scanning the crowd Hikaru spotted, to his displeasure, Kuwabara-Honinbo and Aunt Maisy. A nudge from his spouse jolted an order into Hikaru's mind: serve and attend to Kuwabara. After 'that' day, Hikaru had thought it unnecessary to add a 'san' or 'sensei' after the Honinbo's name. And then an evil idea entered Hikaru's mind.

"Hello _Kuwabara-chin_," he said in a sweet voice, forcing his disgust back down. He made sure that 'chin' could only be heard by Touya and the Honinbo. He didn't need other people getting funny ideas about him. Behind him Hikaru could feel Touya stiffen.

"Hello, Shindou-kun," Kuwabara replied. It wasn't safe to be on a first name basis with the twenty-one year old. "How are you?"

"Fine, thank you. Would you like a drink?" Touya had heard enough.

"Hikaru, perhaps you should come help me with the drinks!"

"Okay! Later, _Kuwabara-chin_!" Hikaru waved in a girly fashion before skipping gaily off to join his impatient and frowning spouse. From the look on Touya's face, the message had come across loud and clear.

"I can see that you're enjoying yourself," Akira said coolly, trying to hide his jealousy.

"Yes, indeed," the two-toned man grinned, making his rival-cum-love scowl.

"That's it. Next time it's aunt Maisy for you."

Right on cue the afore-mentioned lady approached the two go professionals. "Akira-kun-" then, upon seeing Hikaru, "-why are you with this bad influence?"

"He's my friend," Touya replied, squaring his shoulders. "And I've just decided to invite him to this Christmas party."

"Do you know how much inconvenience he has caused me? Just a few days ago this same 'friend' of yours came up to me in the parking lot yelling about horrible things! And even before that his twin was bothering me!"

"Speak for yourself," Hikaru snorted behind Touya's back. "You were the one swearing even when the little kiddies were hanging around!"

"Shut up you impolite thing!"

"Watch me!"

Man and old lady hurled themselves at each other. It took all of Akari's, Touya's and Kimihiro's strength to pull the two apart, and Akari's child, Ketsuo, cheered them on innocently.

"Yay! Mommy, Uncle Akira, Uncle Tsutsui, you can do it! Ganbare!"

"I'll get you later!" Aunt Maisy screamed as she was dragged over to the food table. Panting, Hikaru turned to his spouse, who was smoothing his clothes down.

"What kind of shameless aunt is that?"

"A lady who doesn't know you're her nephew-in-law," Akari giggled. Mitani sighed, although there was a playfulness about his eyes. Ketsuo ran up to Hikaru, his purple eyes shining bright.

"Uncle Hikaru, you showed that woman! You're so cool!"

"Ketsuo…" Akari said in a warning voice.

But Hikaru put an arm around Ketsuo, grinning. "Thanks, kiddo, you just brightened my day."

The little orange-haired boy stuck to his uncle for dinner. Everything was going well when Ketsuo suddenly turned to his uncle, purple eyes wide.

"Uncle Hikaru, why is that old man following us around?"

The go professional cursed himself for being so unobservant. He looked around, and sure enough, his stalker was nearby talking to Ogata but obviously keeping an eye on him.

"Wait here or go to your mother," Hikaru muttered, giving a weak smile. "I need to go to the bathroom."

"Okay."

With that said, Hikaru traipsed up the stairs, watching as his senior followed, lurking in the shadows.

Nobody noticed the pair disappear. Dinner passed normally and everyone settled on the luxurious couch to chat.

"We've all had such a fun evening," Akari piped cheerfully, bouncing Ketsuo on her lap. "It must've been hard arranging all this, Touya-kun."

"You don't know how much trouble-" the green haired man began, then stopped himself in time. "I mean, not really. It was actually…er…quite fun."

"But there's still one thing we haven't done," Mrs. Touya said. "Singing Christmas carols!"

"Uncle Akira singing Christmas carols?" Ketsuo asked, confused. "But oto-san said Uncle Akira was too formal to do anything but play igo!" Akari hit the six-year old playfully, hiding her embarrassment well.

"Now now, Ketsuo, don't make such silly things up about your father."

But Touya wasn't listening; he was in a state of mental shock. How could his mother bring their old tradition into this all of a sudden? Usually after dinner the whole family would sing songs together and as a grand finale Akira, the baby of the family, would do a solo.

But that had stopped when he was ten.

"Akira-kun, why don't you do a solo? We'd all love to hear you sing," the former Meijin smiled. He never missed an opportunity to show his son off.

"Yes, it would be nice for blackma-I mean, good memories," Waya winked at Isumi. Touya rolled his eyes. How obvious could Waya get? In any case, there was only one way out. Touya opened his mouth.

"No!"

"Come on, don't be shy!" Aunt Maisy encouraged eagerly. "You've always had such a beautiful voice back then." But in the old lady's eyes was a totally different message: decline and die.

"Alright, I'll sing," Touya said reluctantly, watching helplessly as Waya took his phone out and set it to 'video' mode. "But don't expect anything fancy." No one heard his last attempt to stop the humiliation, for at that moment Akari screamed.

"Hikaru! What happened?"

Everyone's attention immediately turned to the two-tone haired man who was soaking wet. He gave a half-hearted grin as all eyes moved to the soggy red lump draped over the go professional's shoulder. Mr. Touya was the first to react.

"Kuwabara-san!"

"Kuwabara-sensei's okay, he's just unconscious. Probably from all the wine he's been drinking. Er…he kind of spilt the wine all over us before he passed out," Hikaru assured everyone. Akira's eyes narrowed; his spouse was obviously not telling the truth. All the same he cleared a spot on the sofa. Hikaru gently laid the unconscious Honinbo, just barely stifling a snicker. Touya was about to say something when Mitani interrupted.

"Perhaps Akira should sing so that Kuwabara-san will wake up."

There was no way he was going alone! In a desperate attempt to save himself the green-haired man pulled Hikaru with him into the spotlight.

"I propose for Hikaru to sing instead, so that Kuwabara-sensei will recover faster," Touya purred smoothly.

"Not like he'll wake up anytime soon," the dual-colour haired man muttered in protest.

"That's a good idea, Akira-kun," Ogata smiled, drunk. "How about a duet?" Then, in a high falsetto," Up on the rooftop click click click, down with the chimney old Saint Nick!" a brief silence followed. Tsutsui was the first to break the ice.

"Yes Ogata-sensei, a duet starring Shindou-kun and Touya-kun!" everyone cheered, and Hikaru glared at his spouse.

"Why did you have to drag me into this?"

"The great Touya Akira must live up to his name. You should be grateful that I offered to share some of the lime-light with you."

"Wanna bet on that?"

"Sing already!" a tipsy Kaga hollered, downing yet another glass of sake. Waya waved his mobile phone, grinning evilly. Isumi tried to stop the brown-haired man from being so cruel.

"Oh well, at least I'm not as stiff as you," Hikaru snickered and began singing (or rather, bellowing), wet clothes and all, "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way…" he signaled to Akira to continue, and the green-haired man felt like vanishing. But there was no escape.

"Oh how fun, it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh, hey!" Touya sang quietly into the vastness of the room sounding more as if he were falling off the sleigh instead of riding it. Taking no notice of the awkward atmosphere, Hikaru bellowed out his lines.

And so it went. Hikaru first set everyone covering their ears (or politely 'scratching' them) and when people were beginning to wonder when the torture would be over Touya would take over and everyone would start straining their ears to hear the lyrics. Only Ketsuo was oblivious to the contrast in the volumes. He sang along, happy to be a part of the song.

The song ended and everyone strained their ears even harder. When they realized that the performance had already ended, everyone applauded.

"B-Bravo!" Kimihiro shouted. Waya grinned and held up his phone to show that he'd caught everything on video. Touya groaned inwardly. Another object for Hikaru to trash.

"Oh, you recorded it? How lovely. I'm going to put it on Youtube!" Akari smiled as she grabbed Waya's phone. Hikaru would never be able to get rid of anything now.

"That was fun! Let's sing more!" Hikaru opened his mouth to sing another verse. Touya resigned his fate to the evening.

"Hikaru, did you really enjoy singing?" Touya asked as they lay in bed. He was still blushing from singing 'Jingle Bell Rock'. What kind of song was that for a Christmas event? It was so preppy!

"Yeah! Why, you didn't like it? You could have quit!" green orbs shone into Touya's own, amused.

"I was the main host! I was the only one who noticed you disappear-" Touya was cut off when Hikaru's lips suddenly pressed against his, silencing him. Touya instantly melted like butter on warm bread. His spouse always had unexpected yet fascinating tricks up his sleeve.

Hikaru then pulled his lips away leaving Touya's heart pounding. "Are you finished now?" he asked softly. Touya could only nod. Then another thought came to him.

"Hikaru, what did you do to Kuwabara-sensei?"

The dual-colour haired man chuckled. "That, my dear, will be a secret between the old lecher and me."

"Tell me," Touya insisted.

"Well, with the help of the plunger, a sponge, some soap and the bathtub I managed to do it."

Akira pondered for a moment, then stated sarcastically, "You tried to clean his filthy mind by shoving his head into the bathtub and cleaning it. But you made his head bang into the switch which soaked you both."

"How'd you guess? That was so cool!"

Touya froze. "Y-Y-You're kidding, right?"

"Nope."

"You idiot! You should've taken him home as an apology!"

"He stalked me! Desperate situations call for desperate measures!"

"I don't care! You're still to blame!"

Hikaru's head was beginning to ache from all his 'wife's' nagging. A change of topic was in order.

"Akira, did you enjoy organizing and attending the party? Answer honestly!"

Touya thought. The party really had occupied his mind for the past few days, and the outcome had been a success. In ways it had also brought Hikaru and him closer together. On the other hand the chaos had exhausted him, and even worse, some events had helped Touya realize how 'feminine' he appeared to be in the eyes of other people. Perhaps Hikaru really was, as he so proudly claimed, the pants of the family. And on top of that the food bills were outrageous.

"Yes, but never again," Touya replied. "I'm worn out from running around and screaming like one of the girls in my fan club."

"Ah…oh well, I guess you should get your sleep, then. Oyasumi."

"Oyasumi."

All the lights in the Touya-Shindou house went out. Out on the streets the wind whispered and lampposts blinked. All was silent save for a television song channel nearby.

_The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me,_

_Singing Christmas carols,_

_Stale TV specials,_

_Batteries not included,_

_No parking spaces,_

_Kids,_

_Charities,_

_Facing my in-laws,_

_Five months of bills,_

_Sending Christmas cards,_

_Hangovers_

_Rigging up the lights,_

_And finding a Christmas tree._

OWARI

* * *

A/N: This is a really long fanfic…forty five pages in my draft book XD. By the way, I am aware of the fact that it's long past Christmas, and I'm also sorry for any errors I make. If there are any huge ones, please tell me. :P At the end of this there's also a huge Japanese dictionary, and sorry if there's anything in there that's wrong or inaccurate, or if there are any characters that are OOC. Please review!

_Japanese dictionary:_

_-chan, -kun, -san: -chan is an ending used for girls and –kun is used for boys. –san is a polite term for, say, your parents or someone you don't know._

_-chin: An ending for people you love. GIRLFRIENDS OR BOYFRIENDS ONLY!_

_-sama: F__ormal term for someone you admire or your senior. (e.g. Kami-sama, which means 'Dear God')_

_Ohayo:__ Good morning_

_Sensei: __Teacher (e.g. Ogata-sensei)_

_Kami: God_

_Ramen: Hikaru'__s favourite type of noodles_

_Udon: Another type of noodles which are rather thick_

_Meijin: A go title_

_Daijobu ka?: Are you okay?_

_Etto: Um/er_

_Konnichiwa: Greetings/hello_

_Oba-san: Old lady (formal)_

_Goban__: Go board_

_Oto-san: Father_

_Oka-san: M__other_

_Honinbo: Another go title_

_Kaya:__ The best wood used for making go boards_

_Goke__: Go bowl_

_Aji: A__ go term meaning 'potential', as in 'there's potential around here for Black'._

_Yadda: N__o way_

_Urusei: Shut up_

_Ganbare: 'G__o for it!' a sort of cheering people on term_

_Igo: Japanese word for 'go' (the board game, NOT to be used for the verb)_

_Oyasumi__: Good night_

_Owari: End_


End file.
